


Butterflies on my skin

by Shadowcat221b



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: -ish I guess?, Character Study, I am sorry for my nonexistent tagging abilities, M/M, Mentions of self-harm, Trigger Warning for depression, bitter sweet, but also happy?, dealing with depression, trigger warning for mentions of self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 03:18:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6178141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat221b/pseuds/Shadowcat221b
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has problems he doesn´t let anyone see. Except maybe Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Butterflies on my skin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sophoklesworld](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophoklesworld/gifts), [prismalicht](https://archiveofourown.org/users/prismalicht/gifts).



> I just hit a temporary low and I wrote this to get myself out of it. This was a pairing that I felt like would fit. Un-beta´d. Written in a short time.  
> To all of my lovely and beloved readers who wait on updates for my leverage fics, I promise I will update soon. I just have to pull myself from this pit first. For sophoklesworld, because they were there for me when I wasn´t. For them and buntesLicht because they always take care of me that I don´t fall too hard or too deep. You are the best friends anyone could wish for.  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat

It is a day like anyother in the Stark tower, Tony is bickering with Steve over the importance of pancakes when Steve notices the small butterfly sketched on Tony´s wrist. He doesn´t ask about it and Tony is grateful. He is not ready to have that talk yet, even though he knows he has to have it someday.

Steve leaves for a meeting with shield after they share a goodbye kiss and Tony walks down to his office. He slumps down in his chair, the life draining out of him. All pretense is gone and he closes his eyes for a moment. He opens them again, staring at the wall, unfocused.

The thing with depression is that you know people love you. It doesn´t feel like it though. You don´t feel anything to be exact, not even sadness sometimes.

It takes Tony fifteen minutes to turn on the computer, open his latest file. He just stares blankely at the numbers infront of him. He knows what he wants to do, how he wants to do it, but he has this barrier in his head that he can´t push past.

He presses two or three keys on the keyboard and that´s it, his mind shutting off, he knows what he wants to do he just can´t... do it.

After two hours Tony can´t take it anymore. Just as he is about to do something, anything really to feel like he has control over himself, and that includes hurting himself his eyes fall on the screen saver his pc activated half an hour ago.

Steve smiles at him, bright and wide and Tony feels like crying. Or punching the screen. He does neither.

Instead he takes one of the sharpies from his desk and draws a small butterfly on the back of his hand. The butterfly looks lonely and unhappy in its black ink.

Tony doesn´t reach for the box cutter like he wants to but for the ball point pen next to the sharpie.

About twenty minutes later he has drawn butterflies in all different shapes and sizes and colors all over his forearm. He looks at them and his lips quirk up in the hint of a smile. It´s not perfect. But it is a progress.

Steve finds him like this, staring idly at the paintings on his arm. He furrows his brows but doesn´t say anything. He just stands there at Tony´s side, fingers gently playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

It´s reassuring in a way.

Then Steve reaches for the sharpie, doodling a loopsided butterfly beside the dozens Tony drew. He kisses the top of Tony´s head before speaking.

»I´ll be in the living room, feel free to join me whenever you like.«

Tony nods his thanks and Steve leaves the office.

Some time later Tony follows. Steve just scoots over on the couch, making room for him to snuggle up against him.

Tony feels Steve´s body heat seep through his shirt as Steve lays an arm lazily over his shoulders.

Tony´s heart warms a little. He is not out of it yet.

But this is a start.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat


End file.
